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<meta name="keywords" content="Adopted teens, angel in adoption, adopted teen, teen groups, teen group, KAN carnival, Kids Adoption Network, Beneath the Mask, Debbie Riley, CEU, adopted adolescents, emotional support, foster children, foster kids, foster teens, family forums, adoption training, CEUÂ\u2019s, mental health, SAFE at school, adoption, support, adoptive, family, families, adoptive families, resources, counseling, services, adoptive family support center, adoptions, adotion, adopton, parent, parents, adoptive parents, birth family, birth parents, birth parent, adult adoptee, adult adoptees, adopted person, adopted persons, post adoption, post-adoption, adoption education, adoption experts, professionals, adoption resources, training, W.I.S.E. Up, W.I.S.E. Up!, W.I.S.E. Up! Powerbook, W.I.S.E. Up Powerbook, W.I.S.E. UP!, W.I.S.E. Up! Program, W.I.S.E. Up Program, W.I.S.E., Wise up, WISE UP, S.A.F.E. at School, SAFE Program, S.A.F.E. Manual, SAFE Manual, S.A.F.E">
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<td height="90" width="350" align="left" valign="top" class="rolltext" id="rollcell"><a name="top"></a><span class="style2">A non-profit adoptive family support center<br>
Serving families, professionals and educators since 1998</span></td>
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<p class="section">E-Newsletter - January 2010</p>
<p><span class="subsection"><a href="#Symbols"><strong>Build it Your Way: Family Symbols</strong></a></span></p>
<p><span class="subsection"><a href="#Happy"><strong>Adopted Children are Happy!</strong></a></span></p>
<p><span class="subsection"><a href="#Keynote"><strong>Build it Your Way: The Keynote Speakers</strong></a></span></p>
<p><span class="subsection"><a href="#AskEllen"><strong>Ask Ellen</strong></a></span></p>
<p>
<span class="subsection">
<a name="Symbols" id="Symbols"></a>
Build it Your Way: Family Symbols<br />
<small><em>Kids' Adoption Network Conference 2009</em></small>
</span>
</p>
<img src="/images/family-symbols.jpg" width="150" style="float: right; padding: 4px;" />
<p>C.A.S.E. presents the K.A.N. Conference every November in recognition of National Adoption Month. This past year, C.A.S.E. welcomed 115 adopted children/teens and their families to this celebratory event in Rockville, Maryland!</p>
<p>The theme embraced the tradition of building a totem pole to represent a family or clan's story (significant events and accomplishments) while symbolizing the family's pride and unity. Similarly, families participating at the Carnival, created their own totem poles. Over 80 totem poles were created using more than 320 milk/water jugs, 1,500 jewels, 15 gallons of paint, 80 broom handles, 600 pom poms and too many feathers to count! Listen to the families themselves:</p>
<p><em>"We talked a little that day (after the Conference) about how each member of our family contributes something different -- and unique-- to make up our family. I like how the totem pole symbolizes that."</em></p>
<p><em>"I loved making the totem pole with my daughter (age 11)."</em></p>
<p align="left"><a href="#top">Back to top</a></p>
<hr />
<p>
<span class="subsection">
<a name="Happy" id="Happy"></a>
Adopted Children are Happy!
</span>
</p>
<img src="/images/happy-children.jpg" width="150" style="float: left; padding: 4px;" />
<p>The 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents (NSAP) is the first-ever survey to provide representative information about the characteristics, adoption experiences, and well-being of adopted children and their families in the United States. All information was reported by the children's adoptive parents. The findings represent children under age 18 who were adopted and living with neither biological parent. This includes children adopted from <a href="http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/09/NSAP/chartbook/glossary.cfm#fcadoption">foster care</a>, from <a href="http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/09/NSAP/chartbook/glossary.cfm#pdadoption">other domestic sources</a>, and from <a href="http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/09/NSAP/chartbook/glossary.cfm#intladoption">other countries</a>. Most adopted children (85 percent) are in excellent or very good health. The majority of adopted children also fare well according to measures of social and emotional well-being. For example, only a small minority of adopted children have ever been diagnosed with disorders such as attachment disorder, depression, attention deficit disorder or attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder(ADD/ADHD), or behavior or conduct disorder. Furthermore, 88 percent of adopted children ages 6 and older exhibit positive social behaviors. The majority of adopted children have enriching experiences in their families, and they are more likely to have some of these positive experiences than children in the general population.</p>
<p><small><strong><em>Vandivere, S., Malm, K., and Radel, L. Adoption USA: A Chartbook Based on the 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents. (Washington, D.C.: The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation, 2009).</em></strong></small></p>
<p align="left"><a href="#top">Back to top</a></p>
<hr />
<p>
<span class="subsection">
<a name="Keynote" id="Keynote"></a>
Build it Your Way: The Keynote Speakers
</span>
</p>
<p>The theme of C.A.S.E.'s 2009 KAN Carnival, " Build it Your Way: Family Symbols", highlighted how the rich contribution of each individual family member's history and personal characteristics, combined with the family's shared history and experiences, serve to create each family's unique identity.</p>
<img src="/images/keynote-1.jpg" width="150" style="float: left; padding: 4px;" />
<p>C.A.S.E was pleased to have Deborah Johnson join C.A.S.E CEO, Debbie Riley, as the presenters for the parent program. Both Ms. Johnson and Ms. Riley addressed how parents can assist their children in developing a positive, cohesive identity while developing a strong sense of belonging within their family. Recognizing the unique challenges faced by same-race and transracial adoptive families, the audience had the opportunity to meet with either Ms. Johnson, an adult adoptee from Korea, who focused on transracial families or Ms. Riley, whose focus was on same-race families.</p>
<img src="/images/keynote-2.jpg" style="float: right; padding: 4px;" />
<p>Ms. Johnson explored the significance and impact of what it means to an adopted person to grow up in a family where they are a different race from their parents, and possibly even their siblings. This includes biracial children, where even though they may share part of their racial heritage with their parent(s), the world "assigns" them to a racial category according to their physical appearance. Ms. Johnson emphasized the feelings of loss that transracially adopted children/teens feel as they go out into the world and experience the questioning looks that rob them of the "instant recognition" of being a family that most families take for granted.</p>
<a name="KeynoteCont"></a>
<p>In wanting to protect their children from pain, parents may inadvertently become overprotective and deny the significance of racial differences. Too often, parents parenting transracially deny that race matters and may even deny that racism exists, while they also fail to emphasize the ways their children are like them, despite racial/physical differences. What's needed, Ms. Johnson states, is a healthy balance of allowing children to realize how they are similar to their families which creates connection and a sense of belonging, AS WELL AS, how they are unique and different . What's important to convey to them is that they do not have to choose between the two. This frees them from worries of being disloyal to their adoptive parents and their birth origins.</p>
<p>Ms. Johnson stressed to the audience that "race matters, a lot, "as do birth parents, as do children's pasts. She shared that parents do not have to be perfect in this journey with their children. They cannot and should not be the only source of assistance to help their children figure out what it all means and how it matters. She advised parents to find resources, "people, places, environments"; to meet children's needs to develop understanding, connection and identity with their racial/cultural heritage. She encouraged parents to embrace a multi-cultural perspective - to help children move beyond feeling "terminally unique." </p>
<p>A mother shared with Ms. Johnson a story about a young woman, adopted from Korea, who when asked about her Korean heritage, stated emphatically that she was American and that having been raised in a Caucasian family, stated that she felt no connection whatsoever with being Asian or from Korea. Ms. Johnson expressed regret for this woman in "how limiting" it was for her to miss out on so much by not having explored that part of herself.</p>
<p>Parents often fear "losing" their children if children identify with their racial community. Ms. Johnson notes that "if children distance in this way, it is usually temporary as they explore who they are." The ultimate goal is for transracially adopted children to feel "comfortable in their own skin, to know where they belong - with their adoptive families. They also belong with all the significant relationships in their lives, including those who share their racial heritage, as well as, those who have heritages that are different from theirs, as they strive to integrate a sense of their past, present and future."</p>
<p>Ms. Riley helped same race families recognize that they may "forget" the ways their children are different because there is less focus on physical differences. She explored with the parents the concept of "the invisible adoption", where children may look much like their parent(s) and are perceived by the outside world as "biological" children, faced with fewer questions than their adopted peers who are a different race. When "differences" are less obvious, parents may not acknowledge or celebrate the unique attributes the child brings to the family's identity. Ms. Riley explored with parents how to bring together all that comprises each family member's individual identities: cultural heritage; religion; family of origin or birth family memories, stories, experiences, history; personality traits, temperament, talents/abilities/interests, with the family's present experiences: family events, special memories, cultural/religious/family traditions, that continue to shape the family's identity.</p>
<p>Through a lively discussion, parents acknowledged that it is not until their children reach adolescence that they became challenged by their teen to acknowledge their unique attributes. Teens also yearn for validation that they ARE like their families. Ms. Riley encouraged parents to create connections before the teen years to help foster the child's personal sense of identity, and weave those connections within the identity of the family. "What we want to see at the end of the day is a beautiful woven rug that represents the multi-fabrics and colors of our children's history and that of the family identity", shared Ms. Riley.</p>
<p>Traditional totem poles represent a family or clan's story (significant events and accomplishments) while symbolizing the family's pride and unity. Families participating at the Carnival created their own totem poles using the scrapbooks completed earlier in the day by the children. They were instructed to build their family's identity based on their talents, physical characteristics, values, important events, birth history and culture. C.A.S.E. staff, volunteers and even the families themselves were "wowed" with the results. The finale invited families to appear on stage to display their totem poles and explain their family's identity. Over 80 totem poles were created using more than 320 milk/water jugs, 1,500 jewels, 15 gallons of paint, 80 broom handles, 600 pom poms and too many feathers to count!</p>
<p align="left"><a href="#top">Back to top</a></p>
<hr />
<p>
<span class="subsection">
<a name="AskEllen" id="AskEllen"></a>
Ask Ellen: "Finding My Family"<br />
<small><em>by Ellen Singer, LCSW-C</em></small>
</span>
</p>
<p><strong><em>Dear Ellen,<br /><br />
My 19 year old daughter and I watched the new show about adoption reunion, <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Finding My Family</span> on ABC. I am totally supportive of my daughter meeting her birth parents, whenever she is ready. The state she was born in, fortunately, has a Confidential Intermediary system that can assist her in this endeavor. She absolutely loved the show, but I am wondering what you and other adoption professionals think about it and I wonder what happens when the reunion is not "picture perfect".</em></strong></p>
<p>Given the popularity of <strong>reality</strong> television shows, it is not surprising that someone would think of creating a show that centers on the search and reunion experience. Talk shows have been infamous for holding reunions on their shows, and adoption is a popular theme for daytime soaps. I guess the mystery, drama, secrecy, and intense emotion that can be part of the adoption experience makes for interesting, titillating television.</p>
<a name="AskEllenCont"></a>
<p>With regard to this particular show, while I think it is educational for the non-adoptive world to see and understand how seriously important birth family relationships are to adoptees and birth parents and to see that adoptive parents are supportive, welcoming, and not threatened, I still believe that this series has exploited something that should be private and personal. I also believe that the show does not and should not address the very complex and not always positive emotions involved in search and reunion. There is no disclaimer that states the need for competent preparation and support during this process to address the complexities -- that if unaddressed, have the potential to result in a great deal of emotional pain.</p>
<p>Tim Green, an adoptee and co-host of the show, may have had a positive, "easy" experience, as he writes about in his memoir, A Man and His Mother: An Adopted Son's Search, but for many people -the process of search and reunion is often filled with unique, understandable challenges. These challenges require preparation at the very least and possibly ongoing support and counseling to navigate the complex emotions that can surface; loss, grief, disappointment, anger, exhilaration, guilt, anxiety, depression, confusion. Adoptees may struggle with loyalty issues while birth parents may have concerns about the impact of reunion on their family members.</p>
<p>In addition to Mr. Green, many adoptees and birth parents have written personal memoirs attesting to the challenges of this journey. Alison Larkin has written an autobiographical novel, <span style="text-decoration: underline;">The English American</span>. There are also several excellent books on search and reunion, including <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Birth Bond</span> by Judith Gediman, and <span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Adoption Reunion Survival Guide</span> by Julie Bailey and Lynn Giddens. Without a doubt, search and reunion is not a one size fits all experience, as <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Find My Family</span> would have you believe - everyone cries, is just so happy, and live happily ever after.</p>
<p>This discussion of the potential challenges is not meant to discourage reunions. At C.A.S.E., my colleagues and I have seen the benefits of thoughtful and sensitive preparation for all parties connected in search and reunion as they embark upon this journey: one that can develop unique and important relationships for a lifetime.</p>
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